i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
