So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
