Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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