nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
