Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
