Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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