If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
