Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
