nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My bed smells like the plague
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
