weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
