You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
