my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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