they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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