New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
