Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
