i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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