Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
