What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
