I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
did i walk over a car last night?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When are your genitals available?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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