Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
