My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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