He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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