he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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