Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
