i came on her dog
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
