Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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