Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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