All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I checked into jail on foursquare
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
