Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
