The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
