if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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