Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he quoted the bible to break up with me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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