very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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