Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
