Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
