omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
