She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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