Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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