the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
