That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I won the penis lottery.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
