one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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