Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
