Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I wear drunk well.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
