The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Never joke about your clitoris.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
