There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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