I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
