Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
