What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm like, not good at living.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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