no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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