God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
