so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
No stitches, just platelets and will power
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
