the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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