I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize