it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
