ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
