I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
