My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
