Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
