the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
