lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize