it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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