he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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