i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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