So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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