My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
