So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
